Monday, April 23, 2007

The Green Madness Marches On - "All I Wanna Do Is Wipe My Bum"

All I wanna do is wipe my bum
I got a feeling I’m not the only one
All I wanna do is wipe my bum
Until the TP comes off the roll by the yard

(Thanks to Mr

On a day when the Australian Greens have yet again proved that they are completely insane and disconnected from reality, calling for an 80% cut in greenhouse gas emissions by 2050, but without any idea as to how much this would cost and, if the truth is to be told, no idea about how it is to be achieved either.

(I mean, are they really mad or naive enough to believe that wind and solar power are going to make up the difference in generating baseload power? Surely not? So that leaves us with one alternative only - the end of the modern world as we know it and a retreat away from all the benefits that this world's science, technology and medecine have brought us. And if you think reading by candle light in an otherwise dark and cold home sounds romantic, then you're mad as well.)

But anyway, the latest instalment from the climate hysteria brains trust comes from that noted scientist and thinker Sheryl "Stinky Finger" Crow.

Her idea to help beat global warming or save the environment to, wait for it guys, restrict ourselves to one square of toilet paper per visit to the dunny.


Why haven't the eggheads thought of this? Bludgers.

Jesus, we've got vast rivers of public money - billions of dollars a year worldwide - flowing to these people in their brand spanking new research facilities, full of newly employed scientists (who would never have believed you just a few years ago if you'd told them there would be a day when climate science wasn't an under-funded backwater), and it takes an intellect such as Crow's to cut through the crap (as it were) and solve the problem!

Let's stand back shall we and marvel at her in her
very own words:
Crow (4/19, Springfield, Tenn.): I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

Crow (4/19): I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefulness. I have designed a clothing line that has what's called a "dining sleeve." The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve," after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.
You know, I'm not sure what about this offends and annoys me the most: the stupidity or the hypocrisy?

I really don't know. Maybe it's an equal measure kind of thing.

But this is just the latest example of the madness that seems to be taking over even intelligent people, who you would expect should be smart enough to spot a crock of shit and other generalised bad and illogical thinking at 50 paces.


And then there is the out and out

Laurie David, the producer of "An Inconvenient Truth" and global warming activist, told Texas A&M students to change their "individual behavior" in order to consume fewer resources and to help battle global warming. As an employee of Easterwood Airport, I would like to point out that Mrs. David flew to our campus in a luxurious private jet, which could be seen from 10 miles away due to the thick plume of smog it left in its wake. I am neither denying nor confirming the epidemic of global warming, I am simply pointing out that hypocrites such as Mrs. David don't care about the environment, only their own political agendas. This is proven time and again by these celebrities' and lobbyist's "do as I say, not as I do" attitude.


Laurie David has been labeled a "Gulfstream liberal" by Eric Alterman, himself a proud member of the Left and a regular columnist for the Nation. He recognizes that Ms. David's brand of environmentalism is nothing more than a facade, a distraction from the financially secure yet intellectually boring life of the fabulously wealthy. But this hobby has dire consequences for the rest of us.

So take your pick - stupidity or hypocrisy.


ben said...

I want more information on those 'pesky' occasions that require 2 or 3 squares. I mean, lets not beat around the bush. Are we talking detritus caught in ass hair?

Perhaps Cheryl should call for crack waxes too and make say goodbye to toilet peskiness forever!?

Anonymous said...

The lovely and talented Margo Kingston once said she was saving the planet by declining to flush her toilet and eschewing tailor-made smokes for rollies. No kidding

blogagog said...

One square of toilet paper? What a waste. If you REALLY care about the planet, don't use any. And the best part: people will KNOW how much you care by your aroma!

Wear that scent with honor.

Anonymous said...

Well, personally I think Cheryl is WASTING paper. I steam the stamps off my mail and use them. Sometimes there is a really big stamp, so I use half.
Don't use the sticky side.

richard mcenroe said...

Can we pick 'stupid hypocrites?'

Anonymous said...

Thing is, these environmentalists really have no intention whatsoever of living a carbon-neutral lifestyle. They just demand that everyone else do so, so they can pollute to their hearts' desire without "spoiling the commons."

Old Tanker said...

Better yet, they can move to the middle east where they don't use ANY toilet paper. They could show Cheryl a thing or two......

Darrin Hodges said...

"Thing is, these environmentalists really have no intention whatsoever of living a carbon-neutral lifestyle. They just demand that everyone else do so, so they can pollute to their hearts' desire without "spoiling the commons."

sounds like communism.

Anonymous said...

Great work Cheryl, you are making a big difference. I'd like to shake your hand. Err, on second thoughts......